


I must go my love-for i need to relieve my bowels.

by Howdafloof



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adrian wants to be a Japanese school girl, Crack, Harry craps on Snape’s desk, M/M, WHOLESOME CRACK, that is the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24568480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howdafloof/pseuds/Howdafloof
Summary: After trying to figure out which dangerously named corridor he takes to get to astrology-Harry runs into his brand new boyfriend who-in a gesture full of love directs him to the nearest toilet.Except its actually Snape’s classroom.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Adrian Pucey
Kudos: 4





	I must go my love-for i need to relieve my bowels.

**Author's Note:**

> Randomly wrote this the other night after watching someone slip on dog poo on youtube and nearly falling out my chair i was laughing so hard.

Hogwarts continued on as usual despite the fact that Voldemort had suddenly decided to become a hairdresser and got away without time in Azkaban by giving the ministry of magic free haircuts. While Fudge was strutting around in six inch heels with flowing locks and maybe a lip enhancement spell-Harry Potter was wondering around Hogwarts, somehow managing to forget where the astrology tower was.

“O fuck-nuggets is it down the ‘forbidden corridor’ or the ‘corridor of no return’...I think its the corridor of no return-but then do i take the ‘stairs of bewitching darkness’ or the ‘stairs of utter evil...” he muttered to himself as he slowed to a stop.

Harry was so distracted by his musings that he didn’t notice a flash of green robes passing him before stopping and walking back until they were side on. Continuing to be ignored-green robes drew closer until he was almost touching Harrys side.

...

...

“NOTICE ME SENPOTTER!”

Harry screamed in surprise before clutching his butt as the shock had dislodged a rather anchored poop that had been a weight inside him for a few days now.

“ _Jesus Fuck Pucey!_ -Just grab my arse like normal person would you” the boy-who-lived-because Voldemort-couldn’t-stay-out-of-shit-he-couldn’t-finish snapped.

“Sorry babe-I just wanted you to love me like an under dressed school-girl.” Adrian admitted shyly. Harry just shook his head before his stomach gave another growl causing him to wince and clutch his rear.

“ _Oh literal shit_ -where’s the nearest toilet?” Scar McGee asked his...boyfriend? Possible cousin?

Who knows.

Adrian smirked before pointing to a classroom a little further down the hall.

“I think you’ll find in there a perfectly good place to take a-ahem-‘ _peuce_ ’ hehe-get it cus it sound like ‘Pucey and-and my dick is gonna be in your ass when you finally stopping wearing that chastity belt-Harry?” The Slytherin frowned upon realising the Gryffindor had vanished.

Oh no-had he actually thought Adrian was being serious? Ohhhh _shit-a-dick_.

There was a strained cry followed by an immense farting sound so loud several others students walking about stopped to stare at the door.

To professor Snape’s classroom.

Adrian just awkwardly hunched over as Harry exited the room a minute later, toilet roll caught on the side of his shoe.Without hesitation he grabbed Adrian and dipped him low.

“Adrian my love-I must vanish for time grows short-Astrology will soon be upon us and I want to see if Trelawney can tell if I’ve just taken a shit on Snape’s desk” he spoke huskily making the taller cream his pants. 

“Oh Harry say it isn’t so-wait....did-did you just say you took a-”

“Yes Adrien-I took a shit on Snape’s desk”

A pregnant pause followed.

“...You took a deuce on Professor Snape’s desk.”

“No-I took a shit” Potter snorted he raised Adrien back up, the taller backing away slightly andlooking him up and down with an indignant scoff.

“What the bloody hell does it matter potter!? You pooped on the professors desk!”

“It matters because Deuce and poop make it sound far more graceful then the messy splatter fest it was-in fact I’m pretty sure i got at least some on every wall in the room—”

“You have got to be-”

“He is not joking Mr Puecy-my classroom is indeed a literal shitfest” Proffesor Snape answered as he slammed open his doors making Harry flinch and nervously glance round for an escape. Adrian just looked back at Harry with eyes shiny from tears.

“Oh _Harry_ -how could you?” The taller asked with shimmering eyes. Harry just mumbled a ‘sorry’ before breaking out of the mans grip and leggings it down the hall.

Adrian just fell to his knees.

“No”

Harry continued to run, the Slytherin just shook his head as tears began to fall.

“No...”

But yes indeed-the Gryffindor continued to run

“NO!”

Harry slipped on a wet patch of floor and landed painfully on his back.

“HAHAHAHA-I mean-NOOOO!” Adrian manger to correct his laughter at the mans tumble to a more ‘fitting’ dramatic cry of betrayal. Finally he stood, threw back his head and prepared to let out his loudest most dramatic bellow-

Until a metal bucket with slammed down loudly in front of him, looking up he saw Profesor Snape with a mop in his hand.

“ _YES_ Mr Pucey- _yes_. And if you scream out ‘ _no_ ’ one more time you will be cleaning Potters excrement off my desk with your _hands_.”

And thats how Adrian Pucey and Harry Potter hit a rough parch in their relationship which had began prior 5 minutes ago with Harry walloping the back of Adrians dummy thicc-mega chungus- booty screaming ‘ _its the jiggerling Slytherin!_ ’

They worked it out though by exchanging hair tips, Adrian told Harry how he got his so perfectly styled while Harry sold the secret of how he managed his thick luscious ‘all day bedhead’

Rita Skeeter caught the end of the conversation and was kicking herself for the next several hours about not arriving earlier and being a nosey bitch.

Damn that could have made a fine article.


End file.
